i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize