it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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