Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
