are you still at the devil's house?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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