just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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