Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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