listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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