Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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