why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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