he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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