What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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