Yo dont text me then not text me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
