Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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