i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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