The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
