It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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