Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize