I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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