Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
being pregnant is like rehab
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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