Michael Bay diarrhea
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
