i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
