She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
