my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can you bring me the toilet please
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize