I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
