My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
