I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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