after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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