margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
