Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
