Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
soo... how was my night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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