her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she smelled like a LAN party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
