Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize