People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
