Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
