time to smoke my breakfast
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
