I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
