he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
