If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
