I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
