I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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