the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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