miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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