The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
