i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
