I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The air taste purple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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