i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i drank out of a bidet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
