You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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