peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
