I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
