I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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