i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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