She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
