there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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