WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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