ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
