There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize