Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
