I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
