Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
