When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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