I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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