I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
