we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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