this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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