What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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