Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
