overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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