I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
