The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
