wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
