trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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