Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize