I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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