They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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