My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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