Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
