I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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