I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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