Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
