I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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