I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Farmville is her only friend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
