he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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