i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
