Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
