Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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