you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
