careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
