six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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