Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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