she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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