She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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