Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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