I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
