we have pet lesbian snakes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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