if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
