R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize