Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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