I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
