talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Can Purell be used as lube?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
