you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
